True Happiness.

Sometimes I find it funny how the girls edit their profile pictures on Facebook and add in short statements such as "I love you forever" "Pals 4eva ;D" etc.

Today I understood why.

Today our class were to take a class photo. Seniors of our school (so-called "high school-ers") like to take some random fun shots. Our class tried it out too. Well, the class did one, some of us did some more. I didn't know why we did it apart from having fun. I was actually standing out of the camera's range when they did the fun shots for the small group. (The rest of the class left.)

I didn't want to join. I knew I was going to spoil the picture anyway. Either that, or I'm just not accepted. You get what I mean.

A friend asked me to join in. So I did. Got into a pose and took a series of pictures. It was fun just looking at them later the day.

As soon as they were uploaded to Facebook, I checked them out. 80 something photos. Time to tag people - the whole class. (and of course some just a few people - for the small-group photos) It wasn't simply tagging. It was looking through every body's faces, identify and tag them. Everyone's facial expression had never seemed so friendly, so warm. I enjoyed every click I made.

Then I downloaded the photo and edited it a bit. It wasn't those with random words around the people, but simply a heading in the pic. It seemed so normal, but choosing the font and design was never that fun.

Although it was simply a white background with black words, when I typed something seems to be growing inside me. A kind of warmth. Warmth of the class. The class as a whole. I have never felt that.

Someone whom I reckon as the outsider, or perhaps outsider when they are having fun, is now enjoying to being part of the class.

So if today anyone asks me what is true happiness, I'll tell you it's being involved and knowing you are part of a group.

Sudden lost... of pressure

For the previous two months were full of pressure in studies, the carnival setup...

Then came projects that were due within this week. I didn't want to do so much during the weekdays so I managed to complete all during the weekend. Still another month until exams and according to my schedule I'd start revising two days later. Only thing to be bothered with is the Maths test coming in two days.

I'm not sure what is up with me, but for one night I felt so not motivated, for some unknown reason.

What I do know is that recently have been full of uncertainties. Today for some reason my test paper was not returned to me, then I had lots to do during lunch time and after school but thank God I managed to fit in 10 minutes to get the test paper back.

I always have my things planned ahead - I hate it when my schedule is empty but I'd rather have things written on it - "things" as in to the minute: which minute I should leave my home, which minute I would change trains.... everything. Everything has been on schedule, sometimes with time to spare.

But these few days everything is so sudden. I'm not sure if this suddenness made me all relaxed, for it seemed I can't foresee what is going to happen the next second so I shouldn't worry, or it made me so pressured to a point all pressure became dust and I don't want to bare anymore back at home.

Maybe that's what made me lost all my motivation all of a sudden? But I know I need to get on studying. Studying used to be full of pressure. What happened now that I lost all of them suddenly?

(Ok, this is feeling weird and I have no idea why...)

(And a note from CC: I made no organization before writing this. It might seem quite messy and confusing because that is how I am now. If you don't understand.... it's normal ;])

The Real One.

Have been another 2 busy weeks trying to prepare for a fund-raising carnival at my school. I worked with a team of 6. Well, probably more. But the 6 was official, so let it be.

But the 6 didn't seem productive at all. Of course one of them was me and I and another friend worked hard to try to make our stall at the carnival successful. It was designing, printing, preparing, typing, telephoning and trying to sort out massive amounts of money.

I don't mean to show off, but that seemed to be the scenario. The rest of the team was basically just sitting there chatting irrelevant topics and they actually called themselves redundant personnels. Ridiculous, eh.

Well it did for me. Pretty offensive or rude too.

On the day of the carnival, I was in charge of introducing the stall and the game of the stall to the visitors with half of the team. The rest, along with their friends, were in charge of the gifts. Now as I had warned them never to give out too many gifts at one go, they thought we have lots of gifts enough to fill the planet so they started distributing gifts and even sending visitors boxes of gifts - as in all pens.

Towards the end of the carnival, our stall went flat of gifts. Thank goodness no one came since then.

But when I and another friend cleaned up our stall, we found an extra box of pens sitting there. Now who told me there weren't enough gifts?

~*~*~*~*~

Some said the stall was successful. Maybe from a visitor's view it is, but from an assistant leader's view it isn't - messed up numbers and gifts, messy arrangement and resources allocation...

I'm not sure if I'm the one being too strict and serious over these things. But at least this is my values and I do think it is important to keep them. After all it's a "business" - even if it is for one day.

Looking back, I am still pretty much frustrated about it... but it did make me rethink the real face of each person. Some people may seem really hardworking but in reality they are never serious. It still gets me thinking.