If there's one thing new that I have learnt at Christmas Eve, it'd be that I found myself unworthy.
Well, I used to think that. And I still do.
Tomorrow I am supposed to sing during the service with other kids from church. Note it's a "treble" choir. A "treble" choir with a 15-year-old guy trying to sing high pitches.
I mean I enjoy singing (myself), but not in front of a crowd singing high pitches I could hardly reach. I feel like anytime tomorrow I would burst into tears screaming how depressed I am staying in a treble choir. The voice inside me says I should give my best to offer to God, but definitely that terrible treble voice is not! I feel so ashamed being taller than the majority of the people attending the service and being classified as a kid's treble choir member. I take no pride being part of it. Seriously.
I tried raising the issue to my conductor, she doesn't seem to care. She insists how important I am in the choir (and I have no idea how important - someone who couldn't sing those notes and spoiling the beautiful music - is that contribution?)
A peaceful Christmas Eve. Very peaceful - on the outside. On the way home, I didn't want to talk a lot. All replies were mainly single-worded. I couldn't spare my mind to think a lot - too many was happening inside me. I wanted to contribute wherever I can but it doesn't seem to be the right place in the choir.
As the choir sang Silent Night beautifully I asked myself - when can I stand there and enhancing the only very limited talents I have?
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